WoW Stories
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اينجا داستان هاى دنياى واژه ها را بخوانيد و امتیاز دهید. اين ها داستان هايى هستند كه شركت كنندگان دنياى واژه ها با واژه هايى كه در مسابقه با آن ها بازى كرده اند نوشته اند. توضیح ويراستار را پس از امتياز دادن به داستان مشاهده كنيد.

Here, read and vote for the WoW stories, written by WoW participants with the words they have learnt in the contest. See the editorial comment after you vote for the story!

How I Liked School Our School To Be... Last night

محمدهادی اصلانی

3

In The Name Of ALLAH, The Compassionate The Merciful
I liked our school to become a bit more beautiful, with big gardens full of trees and flowers, benches made with wood beside these gardens could make it more sensible, so the student could enjoy them better.
That would be very good if there was a store near the school. This store could have become stationery store full of pencil, pen, notebook, etc...
Blackboard and chalk isn't good for children's health, so they must be replaced with whiteboard and markers.
The head of school shall be disciplined, so students must obey his/her orders.
Thanks for spending your valuable time reading my story...
I love you all...
Mohammad Hadi Aslani

Teacher Comment:

Thank you for writing to us about your school.

This is a wonderfully written text with so many words used from your WoW knowledge.

I have chosen it to be published in the Train of Ideas book because it shows how a student can use new words and a clear pattern of thought together in one text. Good job! Keep writing to us!

Amended Story:

In The Name Of Allah, The Compassionate The Merciful

I'd like our school to become a bit more beautiful, with big gardens full of trees and flowers. Benches made with wood beside these gardens could make it more sensational, so the students could enjoy them better.
It would be very good if there was a store near the school. This store could have stationery store full of pencil, pen, notebook, etc...
Blackboard and chalk aren't good for children's health, so they must be replaced with whiteboard and markers.
The head of the school should be disciplined, so students must obey his/her orders.

Revisioned by Shadi Shahbaz
Do I like fame or infamy? Last night

سیده غزل میرخانی

1

In the name of god, the most gracious the most merciful.
Hello. I'm a teenager girl, someone who has feeling and dreams for her future.
In this age, many students want to be known and famous. Well that's opposite about me. I don't like to be famous. The truth is I'm known at my school because of my grades or even personality. I'm a hardworkig person, but also sometimes shy.
I think this isn't bad if some people know you and even respect to you, but the main reason for me that I don't want to be famous is
that some people want to know about my personal life. Well this is a bad thing.
I'm somehow cautious about this so I'd like my life to be without any interruptings or anything like this.
I like my life and I think I don't need to be known because I myself know that my life is great and it isn't necessary for anybody else to know it.
Thank you very much.
Good bye

Teacher Comment:

Thank you for telling us your opinion about fame!

It was a very well-written and interesting text with small grammar mistakes

Keep up the good work, but try to use more new words from the WoW vocabulary as practice :)

Good job

Amended Story:

In the name of god, the most gracious the most merciful.
Hello. I'm a teenager girl, someone who has feeling and dreams for her future.
In this age, many students want to be known and famous. Well that's opposite about me. I don't like to be famous. The truth is I'm known at my school because of my grades or even personality. I'm a hardworking person, but also sometimes shy.
I think it isn't bad if some people know you and even respect you, but the main reason that I don't want to be famous is that some people want to know about my personal life. Well, this is a bad thing.
I'm somehow cautious about this so I'd like my life to be without any interruptings or anything like that.
I like my life and I think I don't need to be known because I myself know that my life is great and it isn't necessary for anybody else to know it.

Revisioned by Shadi Shahbaz
My favorite lesson Last night

حمیرا رحیمی

2

I love math math because this I can learn it good and I can understand the instruction of this lesson. When I face with a problem in the math I can take action as soon as possible because I remember the subjects that is related into this problem and then I make a decision what of them is the best.
when I can not solve a problem I do research into solution.The signs of math is very helper and one of them is bracket that used for separate the number in the equation.

Teacher Comment:

Thank you for writing to us about your favorite subject

It is a very well-written text with clear ideas and the use of 5 new WoW vocabulary.

Work a little bit on the ending of your text to have a concluding note rather than just leaving the reader at what a bracket is :)

Great job! Keep it up

Amended Story:

I love maths because I can learn it well and I can understand the instructions of this subject. When I face a problem in maths I can take action as soon as possible because I remember the subject that is related to this problem and then I make a decision of which way is the best.
When I can not solve a problem I do research to find a solution. The signs of math are very helpful and one of them is brackets that is used for separating the numbers in the equation.

Revisioned by Shadi Shahbaz
This is Jane Pt.2 Yesterday

فاطمه عساکره

0

[If you know nothing about Jane, first read part one.]

Wake up my angel, mom said. you gotta leave today.
-just a min. my cells still need to save power I'm tired ;I said.
I raised my head and, what the hell it's already late
mom I'm leaving um and be sure that I'll win the competition.

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the 'BTS'* competition. there is over 500 teen angles here and only 10 angles will be acsepted. um in adition It is only begining for your knowledge been adapt with the line that you're going to fly in.

-I am scared. The girl beside me said
-you can't give up :) we all tried hard to get here. I said
-by the way I have to do it whether I like it or not.
-make your decision Since it is your life. I said
-As my mom went and never returned.. I'm just going to find her
-You know we have no sensation but you look kind :) I said
Oh look at there, doors are opening
I was just looking at how beautiful and bright the doors were and at sudden
Little angle take action haha...

To be continued


*Beyond The Sky

Teacher Comment:

تعداد لغات به کار رفته از بازی دنیای کلمات در داستان شما: 1
تعداد غلط های املایی: 2
ایده داستان شفاف نیست. به نظر می آید که قصد دارید یک داستان را در چندین پارت برایمان ارسال کنید. کار خوبی است ولی سعی کنید همواره در قسمت های ابتدایی کار ادبی تان، ایده اصلی داستان را به خواننده القا کنید تا او را به خواندن ادامه داستانتان علاقه مند کنید. از لغات بازی دنیای کلمات نیز سعی کنید با بهره گیری از خلاقیتی که در نوشتن همین داستان نشان دادید، استفاده کنید. چندین بار به جای angel (فرشته)، نوشته اید angle. معنای angle زاویه است. به املا دقت بیشتری داشته باشید. موفق باشید.

Amended Story:

If you know nothing about Jane, first read part one.

Wake up my angel, mom said. You have to leave today.
Just a minute. My cells still need to save power. I'm tired; I said.
I raised my head and understood that it's already late.
Mom I'm leaving and be sure that I'll win the competition.

Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the 'BTS' competition. There are over 500 teen angels here and only 10 angels will be accepted. In adition, it is only the beginning for your knowledge that has been adapted with the line that you're going to fly in.

- I am scared. The girl beside me said.
- You can't give up. We all tried hard to get here. I said.
- By the way I have to do it whether I like it or not. The girl beside me said.
- Make your decision since it is your life. I said.
- As my mom went and never returned. I'm just going to find her.
- You know we have no sensation but you look kind. I said.
Oh look at there. The doors are being opened.
I was just looking at how beautiful and bright the doors were and suddenly
a little angle took action.

Revisioned by Mohammad Taheri
Two friends or two enemy? Yesterday

امید زینالی اق قلعه

3

First time that I saw Arman ,I taught that he is the most craziest guy in the world!But the fact is absolutely different. In that time I was a cruel boy,a rude kid,an angry kid, a selfish and lazy person.but Arman was a neat and a hard-working boy.When I was in 6th grade,I trow my coat in his eye!In 6th grade I was really crazy,but in seventh grade everything has been change and all of them is just for one person.my friend and my enemy,Arman.
THE END.

Teacher Comment:

تعداد لغات به کار رفته از بازی دنیای کلمات در داستان شما: 7
تعداد غلط های املایی: 1
موضوع داستان با موضوع انتخاب شده ارتباطی ندارد و ایده نیز شفاف نیست. (به خصوص دو خط آخر) اما به خوبی از لغات بازی دنیای کلمات استفاده کرده اید. می توانید در دفعات بعدی بیشتر توضیح دهید که چرا آرمان هم دوستتان است و هم دشمنتان.موفق باشید.

Amended Story:

The first time that I met Arman, I thought he is the craziest guy in the world but the fact is absolutely different. In that time, I was a cruel, rude, angry, selfish and lazy boy. But Arman was a neat and a hard-working boy. When I was in 6th grade, I threw my coat in his eyes! In 6th grade I was really crazy but in seventh grade everything changed and all of them is just for one person; my friend and my enemy, Arman.

Revisioned by Mohammad Taheri
I can see my future 2 days ago

تینا بایلری

2

hello everyone. I'm Tina. i can play piano very well and my favorite subject is science I'm the best student in my class .
I think my future is....
1-i will can a best pianist in my city or maybe my country .
2-I want to be a surgeon.
3-i will can to go to the best university in Iran

Teacher Comment:

تعداد لغات به کار رفته از بازی دنیای کلمات در داستان شما: 0
تعداد غلط های املایی: 0
موضوع متن، با موضوع انتخاب شده مرتبط بوده و ایده به خوبی بیان شده است. قبل از افعال مودال همچون can یا should نباید از will استفاده کرد. سعی کنید درباره اینکه چطور می خواهید به اهدافتان برسید نیز توضیح دهید و از لغات بازی دنیای کلمات نیز استفاده کنید. موفق باشید.

Amended Story:

Hello everyone. I'm Tina. I can play the piano very well and my favorite subject is science I'm the best student in my class.
I think my future is....
1- I will be the best pianist in my city or maybe my country.
2- I want to be a surgeon.
3- I will study at the best university of Iran.

Revisioned by Mohammad Taheri
my favourite job 3 days ago

زهرا پیش بین

6

hi.
my name is mehrana and i am 14 years old...
i study subject in nemoneh doolati school and i am a best student in my school
and
my favourite subject is science and i love that alot and i am good in science and math too....
and i am to be a doctor and going to go to tehran university....

i hope you arrive to your wish

lots of love
mehrana

Teacher Comment:

Dear Mehrana

Thank you for writing to us. We all hope that you work hard to make your wish come true.

About your writing: Make smaller sentences and don't use 'and' so many times. When writing in a formal way, at the end of every sentence we must put a '.' Full stop not ...
Your text is very well written just try to use more words from your WoW vocabulary.

Amended Story:

Hi
My name is Mehrana and I am 14 years old.
I study in Nemoneh Dowlati school and I am the best student in my school.
My favourite subject is science and I love it a lot. I am good in science and math too.
I am going to be a doctor and I am going to go to Tehran university.

I hope your wishes come true.

Lots of Love,
Mehrana

Revisioned by Shadi Shahbaz
My favourite job👧 4 days ago

محدثه خانی

9

In the name of God🌼
I would like to have a Doctor,Doctor🏥 who helps with his heartland, for example: there are villages⛺ in our country🌍 that do not 🚫have all the facilities and there is no medicine💊. I would love to go there and work💼 there so that God's servants They are satisfied with me👪, and God is pleased with me.
Hope you like👍 my story.

Teacher Comment:

.Thank you for sharing your dream job with us.

Check the grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors
It is a well-written text but keep in mind that you have to use more words that you've learned from WoW
This way you will learn how to use them in a text.

You can also write some more by asking yourself some questions such as:

What kind of a doctor do I want to become ?
What should I do to become a doctor? .
How will I help the people in those villages?

Keep writing to us! 💖

Amended Story:

In the name of God🌼
I would like to be a doctor, a doctor🏥 who helps in his country. For example, there are villages⛺ in our country🌍 that do not 🚫have all the facilities and there is no medicine💊. I would love to go there and work💼 there so that the people will be satisfied with me👪, and God will be pleased with me.
Hope you like👍 my story.

Revisioned by Shadi Shahbaz
How did i become a lifeguard 4 days ago

علی قائمی

11

Hello dear readers
First, I wanted to tell all of you if you think that becoming a lifeguard is easy, think again! all I'm trying to tell you is, if you are thinking by yourself and telling ok I'm gonna train for two months and get ready for the (test) I have to say, you are wrong because it takes more than that you gotta dedicate your life to it you gotta go swimming even when there is no one in the pool and the water is cold but you gotta keep going you gotta swim because of those results the results which may save someone's life, and that is the pure fuel for you to keep going because there is nothing more important than saving a person life.
Anyways after all of that, there's some info I wanted to give you guys, it's about that test they require you to pass which is 200 meters of crawl under 4 min-100 meters of breaststroke under 2 min-20 meters underwater-staying on the surface for a minute or two as you keep your arms and head out of the water using your legs to stay on the surface & 100 meters of backstroke. and after that, you have to pass the theory classes which they say "it takes sixty hours of total teaching" but by my opinion and observation, it took less than 30 hours but its ok cause they manage to teach you everything in halftime. so if you manage to become anything that's on your mind no matter what it is you will definitely fell great about it and whether you have, or haven't, none the less I wish you folks, all the best
Thanks for reading.

Teacher Comment:

A wonderfully written text with a precisely planned structure and clear transitions.

You need to check the grammatical slips and try to use your creativity to use some more new words that you have learned from playing WoW.

Keep the good work up! We are waiting to read more of your texts.

Amended Story:

Hello Dear Readers
First, I wanted to tell all of you if you think that becoming a lifeguard is easy, think again! All I'm trying to tell you is, if you are thinking to yourself and saying, "Okay, I'm gonna train for two months and get ready for the test," I have to say, you are wrong because it takes more than that. You have to dedicate your life to it. You have to go swimming even when there is no one in the pool and the water is cold. You have to keep going, you have to swim because of those results; the results which may save someone's life, and that is the pure fuel for you to keep going because there is nothing more important than saving a person's life.
Anyways after all of that, there's some information I wanted to give you. It's about the test they require you to pass which is 200 meters of crawl under 4 minutes, 100 meters of breaststroke under 2 minutes, 20 meters skin-diving, staying on the surface for a minute or two as you keep your arms and head out of the water using your legs to stay on the surface & 100 meters of backstroke. Later, you have to pass the theory classes. They say it takes sixty hours of total teaching but in my opinion and observation, it took less than 30 hours. It's okay because they manage to teach you everything in halftime. So, if you manage to accomplish anything that's on your mind, no matter what, you will definitely feel great about it and whether you have, or haven't, none the less I wish you folks all the best.
Thanks for reading.

Revisioned by Shadi Shahbaz
My favourite job📚 4 days ago

محدثه خانی

7

In the name of God🌹
My favorite occupation is medicine🏨. I like to be a doctor and serve the people of my country👪. Nearly 20% of our people in our country do not enjoy the most, and nobody cares for them👥. I am a doctor but a different doctor👤. A doctor who helps with deprived class with life and heart💞.

Teacher Comment:

Thank you for writing to us about your dream job.

It's quite interesting to know you're a caring individual.

Check the grammatical errors and the punctuation corrections.

Maybe you could tell us more about how you would help with the deprived class. What would you do that makes you a different Doctor?
Keep writing to us and telling us more using the words you've learned

Amended Story:

In the name of God🌹
My favorite occupation is medicine🏨. I like to be a doctor and serve the people of my country👪. Nearly 20% of our people in our country do not enjoy the most of the things in life, and nobody cares about them👥. I am a doctor but a different doctor👤, a doctor who helps with deprived class, with life and heart💞.

Revisioned by Shadi Shahbaz